RANDOM THOUGHTS - ABUSE

I recently viewed the Mary Winkler trial gavel to gavel on a community cable station. The court hearing was held in Selmer, TN, McNairy County which is sixty or seventy miles from Nashville. She was represented pro bono by an excellent law firm.

For those of you not familiar with the case, Mary was married to a 31 year old Church of Christ minister and he was the primary minister of the local Selmer Church of Christ. He came from 5 generations of Church of Christ ministers and his father is revered within the church for all of his good works as a minister. Selmer is a small rural town and, at least in Tennessee, "church" is the criteria for all judgement of behavior.

Not as an indictment, but as additional information for those of you not familiar with the Church of Christ, it is a male dominated church. No females can serve as ministers, elders, etc., and the home is ruled by the husband/father.
It is common practice that females are there to serve the males as they dictate, however, there is no restriction for their higher education or participation in youth guided groups led, of course, by a male. Mary Winkler was raised in a very strict Church of Christ family, went to two Church of Christ colleges and met her future husband, Matthew, at the last one.

As her husband's role grew in the church, they moved to several different towns and began a family resulting in three daughters. For whatever reason, Mary's family, and Mary, testified that her husband isolated her from her family and she was not encouraged to see them or talk to them. According to church employees, Matthew often belittled and denigrated her in front of others. She said nothing in response to these events and always projected that the family was happy and in harmony. Even when he, according to Mary, kicked her in the face and she had to go the hospital, she lied and said she was hit by a baseball accidentally. In Tennessee, doctors are required to report any hint of abuse so there wasn't any way she could tell the truth. Because of his position in the community and the church, she felt she had to cover up the truth.

The home situation became increasingly dysfunctional because of Matthew's fixation with pornography and sexual practices abhorrent to Mary, it was also exacerbated because of serious financial issues. In her frustration, anger and humiliation, Mary shot Matthew in the back while he was sleeping. She was later arrested and charged with 1st Degree murder. The children are with Matthew's parents and haven't been allowed to see their mother for more than six months.

One would expect that the sleepy little church-going rural town of Selmer would overwhelmingly vote to convict Mary of 1st Degree. It was of some surprise when the jury came back with "Voluntary Murder" which means she may have to serve 6 to 8 years. A far difference than the 50 years she might have had with a 1st Degree conviction.

I suppose Mary must feel lucky to have escaped with this lesser judgement and I doubt if she will appeal it. Maybe she was lucky, but from all the testimony I heard and my knowledge of the hierarchy of the Church of Christ, I think there was enough evidence to preclude any jail time. Of course, you can not shoot your husband/wife just because there's a disagreement, but in rebuttal to Ms. Filan's (MSNBC legal analyst) argument that you need to leave or divorce your husband if he abuses you, I would say she doesn't have a clue about the strength of the church to mold their families. If you divorce your husband/wife in the Church of Christ, it MUST be on the grounds of adultery. Otherwise, you will not be granted the right to re-marry and be considered a fully participating member of the church.

What a shame! There are so many loving, caring and forthright members of this church that one would hope some forgiveness/re-evaluation of church rules could come into play. Any woman must have the right to come to her church if she is being abused and to be heard without prejudice. The men who are the leaders of this church must begin a new attitude about the responsibility of men to carefully tender the care of their wives, daughters and female members of the church. No one should ever have to live in a violent situation, because we know, it will simply replicate itself in future generations.

The parents who are suffering such loss of their beloved son cannot comprehend or accept that Matthew could possibly be guilty of such transgressions. This is a personal tragedy and one that can't be mitigated or charges taken back. They are holding bravely to their understanding of their son and, perhaps, that is the only way they will carry on. We can also foresee that when Mary is finally released from prison, she will find and marry another strict Church of Christ member. We can only pray that this one will love her with care and maturity.